sometimes i get the feeling that people (mainly, my friends and family) keep a running tally in their heads of what i get mad at them for.
ex. jennifer: "katie's mad at me again! i didn't even know that she was mad until she wasn't really talking to me (thats what i do, give the cold shoulder). and then she admitted that she didn't like that i ________."

andrea: "seriously? i feel like she just got mad at me for exactly that last week."

maybe thats why i keep it bottled up inside?

also, i always want to be in on all the jokes of all my friends. while i know this can't be even close to possible (how am i sposed to remember that many jokes and who they belong to? and i can't be everywhere at once, so am i sposed to choose who to hang out with to get in on the best jokes?), i still want it. and when i don't get to be in on them, i feel hurt and left out, followed closely by depressed because i think that no one likes me. and why is it so incredibly important that i feel everyone has to like me?
couple all this with my jealous streak, and i don't understand why more people don't like me! *sarcasm*
i want to have more confidence that those that do like me will stand up to those that do not when i'm not around.
i want to have more confidence, period.

Camp is tomorrow! Well, training. The kids arrive next week.
Training is pretty much cleaning up the cabins, trimming back trees off the trail, getting our CPR/ First Aid and bloodborne pathogens certifications, and learning what to do as counselors. Or cook's assistants, in my case.
Thank God I'm all packed- 2 big duffel bags and a plastic bin. Not bad for a chronic over packer, though I do have about 10 pairs of shorts. Hey, you never know, right? Plus, it'll probably be hot all week, and I hate being hot.
Well then, I'm going to relax some more before all the craziness and stress starts.

There are 2 more days until camp starts! I'm feeling.. excited/ nervous/ anxious. Pretty much exactly how I felt last year before it started. But this summer will be different, because I have a totally different position at camp- Cook's Assistant. And I really have no idea what this job will involve, so me not having a plan leaves me feeling anxious. Plus about half the staff is new, so getting to know them and wondering if I'll even like them/ they'll like me. Yeah, I know I'm a bit obsessive.
Anyway, I'd love to say what camp I am working at, but I really have no idea who will read/ find this blog, so for safety purposes, I'll just say it's in Michigan.
I guess I had better get packing! One of my friends comes home tomorrow after 6 weeks in Italy, and I'm hoping we get to hang out before I leave. I have no idea what time her plane gets in, though. :(